Ms. Oud also points out the importance of closeness in dating. There is no set distance for video. “If I wanted to gently get a little closer to touch you, maybe in real life you would just say, ‘Hey, get away,'” she said. “Or maybe you would accept it and like it. But this whole relationship and determining what you prefer and what you prefer is not happening on video. “
Another problem with video dating is unmet physical expectations. When Catalina Mejia, a 24-year-old bilingual journalist in Washington, met a man with whom she had been communicating on FaceTime regularly for a month and a half, she was shocked that he was shorter than expected. “If it had been another situation where I first met him personally, his size might not have been an issue because I know what I’m getting myself into,” she said.
Although their conversations seemed to flow easily over FaceTime, speaking in person exuded an unexpected, uncomfortable mood. “At some point he said, ‘I think we should take it to the next level,” Ms. Mejia said. “And I ask,’ What are you talking about? ‘Then later he asked if he could grab my hand and I thought are we in kindergarten? As if I had taken the initiative, I had obviously spoken to you for so long. I am clearly interested to a certain extent. “
Ms. Mejia admits that she painted a picture of what she assumed the guy would emerge personally from their video interactions, which Ms. Oud describes as a natural response to meeting someone virtually. “We analyze everything and we analyze a person from head to toe,” said Ms. Oud. “And then you get information and data that harm you – that’s your filter. You might like this person, but conversely, if you don’t have all of the information, you will likely make it up in some way. “
Whether chemistry can develop through video depends entirely on how closely both parties establish their virtual connection in order to mimic a personal connection. Ms. Oud suggests showing yourself fully by standing up and turning around to get a clear view of your appearance, even if it feels uncomfortable. She also suggests not just listening and asking questions, but creating more interaction instead. “Meet as soon as possible if it is safe and if not, try to understand how you can get more information about this person, not just by speaking face-to-face,” said Ms. Oud. “You might want to see what they’re wearing or what books they have, but when it comes to body language and behavior, you need a lot more input than conversation.”
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